Void

I want to tell you what’s wrong,
But I don’t want you in that place
That void, helping me–
He says that I love you too much–
If you can get me out of this bed,
I love you
–If I can’t do it otherwise,
Well, I should

You shouldn’t be so much to me–
Not because you’re leaving,
Not because I’ll have to go home
One day,
And homes are not made
In the gristle of others’ lives
–Because
What happened to me?
What happened to wishing, alone,
To withstanding lonely, for the freedom
To walk on my own water?
What happened to proving you wrong,
To the joy of you knowing I was right?
When did it turn into bartering–
Holding you and splattering tears,
–Tears to help you grow
When far away?
What happened to not needing anyone,
To being my own favorite person,
To not caring not caring not caring
What anyone was–
To keeping myself company?
What happened to
My own muscles and fabric
Knowing how to keep me whole?
I used to know how to try,
And to be okay with leaving–
I used to be enough